She talked as if she were a single mom. The woman standing before me at the curriculum fair was discussing her children and their home education program.

"I started homeschooling my oldest when she was in the third grade. As for the younger ones, well, I never even sent them to school....I like the curriculum I used the first couple years, but then I decided to try....And now I'm not sure what to do for math. Do you think I should use one of those programs with the manipulatives?"

Having been around home educators for a number of years, I decided to follow a hunch. "Are you married?" I asked. "Yeah," came the reply, along with a look that seemed to add, "What's that got to do with my homeschool?"

Now this may be an extreme example, but it illustrates a fact of life for many homeschooling families: mother is in charge of the education of the children. It is safe to say that in the vast majority of homeschooling families it is the mother who makes the basic decisions about the content and process of the educational program. Indeed, in most American homes it is the mother who is in charge of most decisions related to the upbringing of the children. Homeschoolers are just following well-ingrained cultural patterns.

Unfortunately, these patterns run counter to the way God would have our homes operate. Fortunately, many home educators are rediscovering one of the fundamental premises of godly family life: Father is the family leader and is responsible for directing all the affairs of the home, especially the education of the children.

Notice who is singled out as responsible for the upbringing of children in Ephesians 6:4. "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." This conforms to the pattern already established in the Old Testament. "He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them...." (Psalm 78:5,6a; cf. v. 3). It was about Father Abraham that the Lord said, "For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him" (Genesis 18:19).

One of the happy side-effects of the home education movement is that men (and women) are coming to reevaluate their roles in the home in the light of God's Word. They are realizing that God wants the husbands to lead and the wives to follow that leadership. Some have not caught on yet (like the woman—and her phantom husband—in the encounter related above) but many do want to implement God's plan.

Where do you start when you have been thoroughly molded by our society's pattern for vanishing manhood? How should the homeschooling father go about establishing his role of leadership in the home?

To gain his place of family headship the homeschooling father should seek to fulfill the following leadership roles in his home: Priest, Policy-maker, and Program-director.

Before he even concerns himself with how to be involved in the day to day workings of the homeschool, a father must begin to take his place as the priest of the household. The most important role he can fill in the home, and the one the absence of which will most impoverish the family, is that of spiritual leader.

Spiritual leadership is a many-faceted calling, and we will not attempt here to exhaust its implications. However, we can state assuredly that there are two concrete activities which are fundamental to this calling: family worship and intercessory prayer.

Taking the initiative on behalf of the family to approach the Lord in worship has been the practice of godly men from the time of the patriarchs who "built an altar to the LORD" (Genesis 8:20; 12:8; 13:4, etc.) and led their families in the worship of God as he guided them and blessed them generation after generation. This author grew up in a home in which the father led in daily family worship, a practice which we then called "family altar," harkening back to the ancient practice of gathering around the altar the father had built for worship.

During times of spiritual health family worship was the rule, not the exception, among Christian households. In 1647 the Church of Scotland, which was then in the full bloom of the Reformation, produced a Directory for Family Worship. In the introductory section the following guidelines were given to local church elders (called collectively a "session"):

And, to the end that these directions may not be rendered ineffectual and unprofitable among some, through the usual neglect of the very substance of the duty of Family-worship, the Assembly doth further require and appoint ministers and ruling elders to make diligent search and inquiry, in the congregations committed to their charge respectively, whether there be among them any family or families which use to neglect this necessary duty; and if such family be found, the head of the family is to be first admonished privately to amend his fault; and, in case of his continuing therein, he is to be gravely and sadly reproved by the session; after which reproof, if he be found still to neglect Family-worship, let him be, for his obstinacy in such an offense, suspended and debarred from the Lord's supper, as being justly esteemed unworthy to communicate therein, till he amend.

Back then you would come under severe church discipline for the habitual neglect of the "necessary duty" of family worship! Today it is too often regarded as optional for a family to have devotions, and if they do, it may frequently be the mother who leads them. But God's plan is clear: each man should lead his family regularly in the worship of God as a family. Worship is not just for the church. The family is the first form of the church on earth, and worship is a vital element of godly family life.

Some men may ask at this point, "But what is family worship? How do I learn how to lead it?" Let's not complicate what the Lord intends to be a simple and natural part of our domestic routine. Here is a simple plan:

* Pick a daily time when you can gather the family for a few minutes—in the morning before work, at the supper table, before bedtime, whatever works for you. (If you have no time when the family can be together, reexamine your family life. You are too busy if you do not have time for family worship.)

* Read some Scripture. Father should read the Bible as a rule, as an expression of his leadership. You may also want to comment on the passage, if you have any thoughts on its meaning or application.

* Pray. You should pray as another expression of your priestly role in the home. Of course others can pray as well.

* Sing. Music has always been a prime way that God's people express their hearts to him. Use favorite hymns and choruses. You say your family doesn't sing well? Make a joyful noise anyway!

The practice of regular family worship is the foundation upon which a man can build a God-honoring family life. Without it all the other efforts to train the children will be weakened. Fathers must build into the fabric of family life this united acknowledgment of the living God.

Job is known to us all as the man who suffered terribly and yet maintained his faith in God. Yet Job commends himself to us in another regard as well: he had a special concern for his children: "Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, 'Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.' This was Job's regular custom" (Job 1:5). As a godly father Job made it a daily practice to approach the Lord and intercede on behalf of his family.

A leader is responsible to pray for those who are entrusted to his care. Samuel the priest and prophet who led the Israelites just prior to their having a king said to them in his farewell address, "As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you" (1 Samuel 12:23). It is a sin against God for a leader to fail to pray for those under his charge. This certainly applies as well to the leader of a family.

The father is strategically placed at the head of his family to wage spiritual warfare on their behalf. His pleas for his wife and children place a special hedge of protection around them that no one else is so authorized to provide. Satan realized that Job's prayers had been effective in moving God: "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has?" (Job 1:10) The evil one could not penetrate the barrier which God, by Job's prayers, had constructed.

When a father neglects prayer for his family he leaves them vulnerable to that "roaring lion" (1 Peter 5:8) who seeks to devour the godly and who, like a lion attacking a herd of deer, will often try to pick off the smallest and weakest. Fathers are warriors who, by God's design and grace, are equipped to protect their precious charges from spiritual danger. Prayer is powerful, especially when it comes from one in authority on behalf of those under his care.

How do you pray a hedge of protection around your family? Again, the Lord does not want you to be mystified by a simple and straightforward duty. Here are some suggestions for how to pray for your wife and children:

* Establish a daily time of personal worship, part of which is devoted to prayer for your family.

* Use the prayers which are given in Scripture as models for your prayers, personalizing them for your family members (e.g., Matthew 6:9-13; Ephesians 1:16-19; 3:14-19; Colossians 1:9-12).

* Pray for the fruit of the Spirit and other specific character traits to grow in their lives (Galatians 5:22,23). Pray for the specific needs you see in their lives in terms of the spiritual fruit required to meet the need.

* Pray specifically that the name and the blood of Jesus Christ would protect each family member and that the angel of the Lord would encamp around your household (Psalm 34:7).

As we pray we should do so with the humble acknowledgment of our sin and a hunger for holiness. As we come before the Father in the name of Jesus we have the assurance that he will hear and answer (John 14:14). "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 5:16).

There are a lot of other things for the homeschooling father to consider as he takes up the leadership of his family, but his priestly office comes first.

Just picture yourself building a wall to seal off your family from dangers outside and then building an altar to lead them in worship of Almighty God. This twofold building project is your most important calling as a father. Neglect intercessory prayer and family worship and none of the other advice about taking charge of your family will amount to much. Build your wall and your altar, and you are ready for the next elements of family leadership.